


When You Go

by fxbulouskilljoy



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-28 02:08:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17173826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fxbulouskilljoy/pseuds/fxbulouskilljoy
Summary: It’s just not working anymore.





	When You Go

gerard way x frank iero

 

"you cant be serious right now frank," Gerard sputtered out, tears streaming down his face. he lay curled up on the bed, clutching at the covers relentlessly. 

"gee, please dont make this harder than it has to be," frank damn near begged. he just wanted gerard to realize that this was affecting him just as badly as the man who was still sobbing. frank felt like it hadnt been working out much lately anyways and he wanted to try something new.

"youre leaving me? did- did i do something wrong?" gerard asked. his head felt like it was spinning a million miles an hour with all the questions swimming through his mind. his mind was like a rollercoaster, losing control no matter how tight he tried to hold on. his mind was like an astroid, shooting aimlessly through space at thousands of miles per hour. 

"you did nothing wrong, i just want some space," frank spoke solemnly, on the verge of tears. he didnt want to cry in front of Gerard though. he wanted to be the strong one to reassure gee that everything would be okay and that things would work out in the end. "you know that old saying? if you love something, set it free. if it comes back, it was meant to be." 

 

gerard scoffed loudly,"oh dont give me that bullshit frankie, we all fucking know youre not gonna come back. i feel like youve wasted my time, our time. do you not understand i gave you my everything and all i wanted in return was your love and comfort." 

frank sighed softly,"im sorry, thats all i can say to you gee, im so sorry." 

"yeah, okay," gerard spit out, turning his back on frank so that he didnt have to watch him leave; leave and take gerards heart with him. 

 

\- (time skip) -

two months later 

 

"gerard," brendon called out to his friend,"youve got to get out of this bed." 

in return to brendons unreasonable response, well Gerard thought it was unreasonable,  he groaned. "fuck off, please." 

brendon made his way into the bedroom gerard had basically been hibernating in, and yanked the covers off gerards body. gerard screeched loudly and moved quickly to cover his body again, but much to his dismay; the covers were hanging in brendons hands. 

"dude, you fucking stink. you need to shower and get out. the suns shining and its quite nice out today, we should go get some coffee and maybe walk to the park," brendon suggested, only wanting to cheer his friend up. 

"i dont wanna leave, i wanna bask in his scent forever because its all i have to remind myself he was even real," gerard mumbled out, sounding defeated. 

"how can you even smell him when all i can literally smell is the foul scent seeping from your skin, you need to shower," brendon said. he didnt want to get annoyed with gerard because he knew his friend was suffering. brendon couldnt even fathom losing ryan. all he could even think of to compare gerards pain to something was: the world falling to pieces slowly. it was like gerards world stopped spinning the moment frank walked out the door with all his belongings and never came back. 

 

"i dont want to do anything brendon, i wanna fucking sleep. can i sleep?" gerard sounded annoyed now, but brendon, being the ass he was, didnt care. he dropped the blankets on the floor and glanced back at his friends curled up figure. before he could talk himself out of it, he grabbed at gerards leg and pulled as hard as he could managing to make gerard squeal. 

"what the fuck? what are you doing bre?" gerard yelled. he was quite upset that brendon even decided to disturb his slumber. 

 

"youve never turned down coffee and you will not start today gerard. you are going to get your ass out of that fucking bed, shower, get dressed and we are going to leave. okay?" brendon demanded, before leaving to go sit in the living room, not bothering to let gerard answer. 

 

eventually gerard managed to drag himself out of the bed and head towards the bathroom. he didnt see what the hell brendons problem was anyways. he'd showered like- maybe two weeks ago? 

he lifted his arm up and sniffed, immediately regretting it when a pungent smell met his nostrils. "ugh," he groaned out. taking off his clothes, he turned the water on and stepped inside the tub. 

once the water met his skin, he was actually quite grateful brendon had decided to keep bugging him; because the water was relaxing his always tense muscles and it felt like he could finally breathe for once. his ribs usually always felt like they were constricting his lungs and his heart always felt heavy. this was a nice calm for him. 

after standing there for a few minutes, he finally reached for a loofa and soap, and began scrubbing his body. once his body was thoroughly clean, he reached for his shampoo and began scrubbing at his greasy hair. when he was finished rinsing his hair out, he grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his hair before grabbing another towel and wrapping it around his waist. 

 

when he finally emerged from his room, fully clothed and hygiene clean, he saw brendon leaning against his counter drinking milk. 

"you ready to go?" brendon asked. 

gerard nodded,"yeah, lets just get this over with." gerard grabbed his house keys and led the way out. 

 

_

 

theyd been sitting down in a booth at starbucks when gerard saw him. of all days he decided to leave the house, hes there. in the crowd; alone? gerard cant tell yet because franks quite short and he could be with anyone to be honest with you. brendons carrying on with the conversation, not having noticed that gerard zoned out awhile ago. 

his eyes are trained solely on frank, and his mind is zooming in all directions, wondering who he could be with, if franks with anyone at all. his questions are answered moments later however, and it tears garard to shreds in seconds.

franks hands are latched tightly with another mans. a smile so wide is painting his face and gerards wondering when he stopped making frank smile like that. he cant even feel the tears that are pouring down his face at an alarming rate; but he could care less. 

brendon can now see just how emotionally distressed his friend is and he reaches a hand out to comfort gerard. "whats wrong gee? what happened?" 

 

the old nickname only manages to bring more tears, if thats even possible. gerard opens his mouth to answer brendon, but the only sounds that escape his pouted lips are small whimpers.   
brendon turns to face the direction gerard is staring in and finally sees the source of his friends pain. 

and to make matters worse, it seemed as though they, frankie and whoever the fuck he was with, were headed towards starbucks. 

"ive gotta go," gerard managed to sputter out frantically,"i cant be here, he cant be here, this isnt right." brendon ran his thumb softly across gerards hand, which he was still gripping.  
"gerard look at me," brendon demanded. he waited until gerard gave his attention to him. "you will be okay, calm down. we're gonna get you out of here and we can go somewhere else, okay?" 

gerard nodded his head slowly, not sure if he should completely believe his friend or not. after all, it was brendons fault he wasnt at home right now anyways. "this wasnt supposed to happen bre, i was supposed to be getting better and not dealing with this pain anymore. of course it stills hurts like fuck no matter what, but id been doing better. i mean, im even talking now. why does this keep happening?" gerard was spitting out words at what seemed to be a million miles per hour. 

 

the bell to the entrance door dinged and gerard made the mistake of looking towards the door. he and frank made eye contact and gerard swore his heart stopped. only when franks boyfriend tugged at his hand gently, did they break the eye contact. yet gerards eyes still lingered on their intertwined fingers. he took a deep breath before shooting up out of his seat, earning a few glances that he brushed off. he made his was towards the door in obvious haste. 

"Gerard," a familiar voice called after him, stopping him in his tracks. he stayed standing like that until he felt all-too-familiar fingers curling around his forearm. he finally turned to face the person who so badly wanted his attention. 

"frank," he mumbled back. he refused to meet franks eyes because he didnt wanna go back; back to the times he would get lost in franks eyes. lost in the words he would speak, in such a mellow voice. gerard was trying to find his way to a new place, not get lost again. 

"howve you been?" frank asked, so cautious, almost as if he was expecting gerard to blow up at the mere words. gerard pulled his arm out of franks grip before finally meeting his eyes. 

"im fine," gerard said. he just wanted to go. go home and sleep away his life like he'd been doing. "oh," franks words, no matter how short, were still like knives hitting gerards body. gerard didnt want to listen to the voice he'd become so accustomed to up until two months ago. he didnt want to find out how frank got to be happy and he wasnt. he didnt want to deal with any of this shit anymore because honestly what was the point? frank hadnt texted or called at all and suddenly he wants to know if gerard is okay? 

 

"yeah, now can i go frank? id rather not sit around and talk about nothing, if you dont mind," gerard spoke, his tongue and brain concocting words before he could even fully process them. because what was he even saying? of course he wanted to be around frank. his body always longed to be next to frank. it was like it hadnt got the memo yet. 

 

"uh, yeah sure, im sorry if im holding you up. is that your boyfriend?" frank asked, nodding towards brendon who was waiting by the door patiently. gerard scoffed,"no frank, unlike some people, i need time to rest and get my shit together before i go out and get another boyfriend." 

 

frank frowned slightly before shaking his head up and down, letting gerard know that he understood. "i get it, you want me to leave you alone." but frank didnt want to leave gerard alone. it was like his instincts were kicking in and he had to make sure gerard was okay. but that wasnt his place anymore, and who know if it would ever be again.

 

gerard hummed a small agreement before turning and heading out the door of the coffee shop. he felt so overwhelmed that he was honestly shocked that he was able to even speak to frank without sobbing his heart out and begging for frank to come back home. 

the moment his foot landed on the solid concrete outside starbucks, he was wishing he could be stronger. as strong as the concrete he was able to walk on. he could care less about the fact that he probably looked ridiculous, stumbling down the sidewalk with his friend next to him, looking equally as lost. brendon didnt know what to do; how could he even try to help gerard now? was he supposed to lie and tell him everything would be alright? because i think we all know thats not true. 

 

"are you okay?" brendon decided to start with the most basic question. "honestly bre, i dont know. i dont know what im feeling right now because it feels like i cant breathe, yet seeing him makes me feel so much more alive. i dont know what i feel." 

 

"do you want to be alone?" brendon asked, he just wanted what was best for gerard. even if it meant leaving him alone to think things through. 

 

"yeah, yeah i just want to be alone. ill see you tomorrow or something of that sort," gerard mumbled. 

he continued the rest of his journey home alone, his thoughts running rapidly through his head. why did frank have to just come and fuck things up again? he just seemed to waltz right back into gerards life and not even care that gerard was still very hurt; yet frank had moved on. or so it seemed. 

little did gerard know, he was all frank could think about now. he hadnt seen gerard in so long that his face was like a breath of fresh air and suddenly he was regretting leaving. 

"babe you okay?" franks boyfriend asked him. he had zoned out the moment theyd left the coffee shop and hadnt said a word. "im worried about you. who was that guy back there?" 

 

and frank suddenly felt bad; because should he be annoyed at one simple question? he sighed softly before turning to face his boyfriend,"that was an old friend. his name is gerard and we've known each other for quite some time." 

 

"you guys looked quite uncomfortable talking, did something happen between you two?" his boyfriend continued to question him. 

 

"you could say that," frank finally answered after awhile,"however i refuse to elaborate on that so please dont ask." 

"are you hiding something?" he questioned frank. 

frank turned to his boyfriend flabbergasted,"excuse me?" 

"you heard me frank, dont play stupid; i asked you if you were hiding something," his boyfriend said. franks face became emotionless as he faced his boyfriend,"what in all heavens do i have to hide from you? im an open book; there is no way in hell im hiding anything." 

 

"i dont know frankie, you seem suspicious," his boyfriend was being annoying now. 

"oh bloody hell, would you listen to yourself? you sound ridiculous and i refuse to let you question me like im lying. if you dont believe me whats keeping you here? besides, we've literally only been together for less than a month, you dont need to know everything, okay?" frank was becoming pissed off quickly. 

"oh so we're playing that card, huh? 'we've been together less than a month' blah blah blah, bullshit frankie. im not going to let you make me look like some incompetent fool, you should know this by now. if this is what you want then fine; we are done," franks now ex-boyfriend spit out before turning and walking away. 

 

just great, first he lets gerard walk away, then he loses his boyfriend all in the same day. "fucking wonderful," frank muttered. 

 

he continued his walk home in silence, because no one was with him anymore. it wasnt like he was really upset about losing his ex, i mean after all, he was quite boring. frank needed someone in his life that could spice things up again. thats where gerard came in. but why would gerard take frank back? why would gerard even consider it? he looked so devastated when he saw frank walk through the door and they made eye contact. 

 

"you are so fucking stupid," frank mumbled to himself,"you could be at home with gerard right now like usual, cuddling and shit but no, you just had to leave." 

 

-

 

they crossed paths again some four months later. gerard was out at the store picking up a few things for the upcoming holiday; halloween, when he ran into frank. and with it being so close to franks birthday, gerard felt it only be right that he said something. 

"you know, you dont have to be so nervous around me frank, its just me," gerard said, chuckling. they'd made it past the basic greetings and such. 

"i know, i know, but this feels like new territory to me again," frank sighed. 

 

"yeah i get it, it feels that way for me too." 

 

and frank would be lying if he said he didnt miss gerard like hell. he'd spent months upon months thinking about the red-headed man. he sighed to himself before glancing back up at gerard. 

 

"i'm sorry," frank spoke suddenly. it caught gerard off-guard, but he would be lying if he said he wasnt ecstatic to finally hear the words he'd been waiting to hear. 

 

"how about on halloween, you come over and we can talk then? because somehow i feel like a store isnt right for this kind of conversation," gerard said. 

frank nodded,"ill see you then."

gerard smiled softly,"okay." 

 

and when halloween finally came around, sure enough frank was at gerards door. he knocked quickly and waited patiently for gerard to open the door. 

"hey," gerard greeted frank, opening the door wide enough to let frank in,"happy birthday, how are you?" 

"well im alright," frank answered honestly,"and thank you." 

"well dont just stand there, come in," gerard giggled slightly. frank smiled and walked through the door, taking note of how the house hadnt changed much. he felt a bit awkward because the last time he was there, he was saying goodbye to gerard; packing his things and moving out. 

it wasnt that he didnt love gerard, because of course he did, but things werent feeling right and he wanted to try some new things. meet new people, explore and find out more about himself. he never meant for gerard to end up as bad as he did. 

 

frank snapped out of his trance and made his way to one of the couches, sitting down. "so howve you been?" frank asked, deciding to break the silence that had engulfed them. gerard sat down opposite of frank before answering,"much better, but what about you? howve you been?" 

 

frank sighed slightly, he'd been feeling horrible lately. he was dealing with an unforgiving guilty conscience and it was taking a toll on him. "ive been better." his answer was short and to the point, but he knew gerard understood. and before gerard could say anything else, frank spoke up again,"im sorry." 

"you know frank, im going to be honest with you, im not mad at you. im not upset that you decided to leave, but i was hurt. for the longest i wanted nothing to do with you, but then i kept seeing you and i started to miss you. i know youre not a bad person, but sometimes you make really dumb decisions. and the decision to leave me was pretty damn stupid. maybe the distance did us good. we argued a lot, and if youre gonna be back in my life, i dont need those pointless arguments we had so often," gerard wanted to make sure frank knew he wasnt upset. 

frank stared at gerard in aw, eyes becoming misty because he hadn't expected gerard to actually forgive him so quick.

"why are you so good to me? why do you continue to be nothing but nice to me? i literally walked out on you because i wanted to 'try something new' yet youre accepting my apology like i never hurt you in the first place," frank sputtered out in a soft, whisper like voice. 

"because we're human frank, we mess up. and you just happened to mess up really bad. if i continue to stay mad at you then how will we ever move on?" gerard answered calmly.

 

and years later when they're finally happy and confident in their relationship again, frank realizes it could've stayed like that all along. 

 

-

 

total shit ending but hey i couldn't come up with a better one and i wrote this over a year ago cut me some slack.


End file.
